Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Blake's Kampf

There's a pair of jeans I've had since high school that I decided to bleach, skinnify, and dye red. My first attempt at turning the legs from flare to skinnycut was too tight as the jeans have no stretch at all. When I told Blake about this, he wanted to try them on. Seriously, I think he gets some twisted pleasure at doing things that I can't. I halfheartedly tried to talk him out of trying on the jeans, but secretly I knew I'd enjoy watching him squish himself into these pants. 


Somehow he forced those suckers on. Here he is pulling up the crotch. He should have sensed right then that he made a mistake.

He managed to get them on and flaunted his cute bum for the camera.

I think this was the point where the regret started to enter into his mind. I watched with tremendous self-satisfaction.
*Struggle Struggle*

He stopped for a minute and tried to be charming to convince me to help him. Notice the pictures get a little blurrier as my laughter spirals out of control.
All right. For seriousness. Excuse the panty shots. I wish the Air Force allowed for snazzier colors. I call them his little-boy pajamas.

He stuck out his tongue and really concentrated. I, meanwhile, kept snapping pictures because everything was blurry because my eyes were streaming with tears and I was shaking with uncontrolled hysterical laughter.
One final heroic attempt at pulling those jeans over his giant foot.
Finally he laid on the floor in front of me and put his feet up in supplication and patheticness. 


Do I think Blake learned his lesson to not be trying on my clothes? I don't think so.









Sunday, May 13, 2012

My Amazing Mother


My beautiful Mama


Mother's Day surprises me every year in Obliviousland. All of a sudden it occurs to me or Blake to check the internet to find out when Mother's Day is, and then we find out it is upon us. We definitely aren't as thoughtful as our wonderful mothers deserve. Somehow my Mumsy forgives me of my shortcomings every time. 

Below is a list of some memories and reasons why I love my Mumsa. By no means is it comprehensive. That would just be impossible to write everything that's amazing about my Mom. Ever. But I hope she feels at least a shred of the love I have for her when she reads this.

-When I'd get sick and was throwing up I'd always just yell for Mom just so she'd be there with me. Her presence made things bearable.
-She'd rub my legs at night when I would get growing pains. Sometimes I'd pester her to do it for quite a while and she'd comply.
-Or she'd tell stories to me before bed… about half the time the story was: One upon a time there was a calf, that's half, he jumped over a wall-that's all. She'd earn a sour look every time I heard that, but now it's actually pretty funny.
-I remember going through the drive-through at McDonalds and Mum ordered a Whopper Jr. for me. Her embarrassed laugh and backpedaling words to the microphone was worth the fact that I had to eat a McD's burger rather than a delicious Burger King creation. 
-When Mom was in full-on instruction mode she absentmindedly hovered her hand over a can of beans and instructed me to hand them to her. The phrase "Hand me that can of beans" exists because of Vickie Gubler. She would say, "You're welcome world."
-The fact that she once called a prono-pup a "porno-pup" and changed the batter-covered hot dog forever.
-The fact that my oldest brother is in his thirties and still was afraid to tell his mommy that he had a tattoo. You can't buy the kind of fear that she inspires. 
-The fact that she gets all tittery when she watches The Last of the Mohicans for Daniel Day-Lewis. 
-The fact that when I surprised her with a visit, she took me to Nature's Market and bought me a bunch of vegan-friendly food staples even though it cost a very shiny penny.
-I was always happy to bring friends over because my mom was so good at making my friends feel at ease and she always seemed genuinely interested in them. 
-One of the best things, as brought up by my sis, is just sitting and hanging out with Mom. Just chillin' and watching TV. All the little things are so much, just better, when it's with our Mummy.
-Glancing in Mum's room and seeing her kneeling in prayer by her bed every night.
-The fact that she raised all of us kids to not drink pop. I am so grateful that I can enjoy pop every once in a while, but not be overloaded and addicted to those sugary drinks. Although, now us older kids will guzzle a caffeinated beverage just to see my poor Mumsy's eyes roll and hear her dramatic sigh. 
-I sent her a text asking her if she thought it was still okay to eat some TVP even though I'd found a clump with mold on it. She replied, "don't worry- I fed you worse things than mold when you were growing up." My sibling and I thank our Mummy for our hearty constitutions.
-By the way, the food was always delicious growing up. 

I am thankful my Mom decided to be a mother two more times after she raised the utterly exhausting first three children. She is truly amazing and my childhood was such a happy one. Thank you, Mom, for everything you've taught me and all the happy memories I have. You're the only person I can have a complete sobbing meltdown in front of and feel like you are completely nonjudgmental. You literally can make any situation better. One day when I become a crazy mimsy myself, I hope to be as much like you as I possibly can. I love you Mom!! Happy Mother's Day!


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