Blake's Kampf

There's a pair of jeans I've had since high school that I decided to bleach, skinnify, and dye red. My first attempt at turning the legs from flare to skinnycut was too tight as the jeans have no stretch at all. When I told Blake about this, he wanted to try them on. Seriously, I think he gets some twisted pleasure at doing things that I can't. I halfheartedly tried to talk him out of trying on the jeans, but secretly I knew I'd enjoy watching him squish himself into these pants. 

Somehow he forced those suckers on. Here he is pulling up the crotch. He should have sensed right then that he made a mistake.

He managed to get them on and flaunted his cute bum for the camera.

I think this was the point where the regret started to enter into his mind. I watched with tremendous self-satisfaction.

*Struggle Struggle*

He stopped for a minute and tried to be charming to convince me to help him. Notice the pictures get a little blurrier as my laughter spirals out of control.

All right. For seriousness. Excuse the panty shots. I wish the Air Force allowed for snazzier colors. I call them his little-boy pajamas.

He stuck out his tongue and really concentrated. I, meanwhile, kept snapping pictures because everything was blurry because my eyes were streaming with tears and I was shaking with uncontrolled hysterical laughter.

One final heroic attempt at pulling those jeans over his giant foot.

Finally he laid on the floor in front of me and put his feet up in supplication and patheticness. 

Do I think Blake learned his lesson to not be trying on my clothes? I don't think so.

My Amazing Mother

My beautiful Mama

Mother's Day surprises me every year in Obliviousland. All of a sudden it occurs to me or Blake to check the internet to find out when Mother's Day is, and then we find out it is upon us. We definitely aren't as thoughtful as our wonderful mothers deserve. Somehow my Mumsy forgives me of my shortcomings every time. 

Below is a list of some memories and reasons why I love my Mumsa. By no means is it comprehensive. That would just be impossible to write everything that's amazing about my Mom. Ever. But I hope she feels at least a shred of the love I have for her when she reads this.

-When I'd get sick and was throwing up I'd always just yell for Mom just so she'd be there with me. Her presence made things bearable.

-She'd rub my legs at night when I would get growing pains. Sometimes I'd pester her to do it for quite a while and she'd comply.

-Or she'd tell stories to me before bed… about half the time the story was: One upon a time there was a calf, that's half, he jumped over a wall-that's all. She'd earn a sour look every time I heard that, but now it's actually pretty funny.

-I remember going through the drive-through at McDonalds and Mum ordered a Whopper Jr. for me. Her embarrassed laugh and backpedaling words to the microphone was worth the fact that I had to eat a McD's burger rather than a delicious Burger King creation. 

-When Mom was in full-on instruction mode she absentmindedly hovered her hand over a can of beans and instructed me to hand them to her. The phrase "Hand me that can of beans" exists because of Vickie Gubler. She would say, "You're welcome world."

-The fact that she once called a prono-pup a "porno-pup" and changed the batter-covered hot dog forever.

-The fact that my oldest brother is in his thirties and still was afraid to tell his mommy that he had a tattoo. You can't buy the kind of fear that she inspires. 

-The fact that she gets all tittery when she watches The Last of the Mohicans for Daniel Day-Lewis. 

-The fact that when I surprised her with a visit, she took me to Nature's Market and bought me a bunch of vegan-friendly food staples even though it cost a very shiny penny.

-I was always happy to bring friends over because my mom was so good at making my friends feel at ease and she always seemed genuinely interested in them. 

-One of the best things, as brought up by my sis, is just sitting and hanging out with Mom. Just chillin' and watching TV. All the little things are so much, just better, when it's with our Mummy.

-Glancing in Mum's room and seeing her kneeling in prayer by her bed every night.

-The fact that she raised all of us kids to not drink pop. I am so grateful that I can enjoy pop every once in a while, but not be overloaded and addicted to those sugary drinks. Although, now us older kids will guzzle a caffeinated beverage just to see my poor Mumsy's eyes roll and hear her dramatic sigh. 

-I sent her a text asking her if she thought it was still okay to eat some TVP even though I'd found a clump with mold on it. She replied, "don't worry- I fed you worse things than mold when you were growing up." My sibling and I thank our Mummy for our hearty constitutions.

-By the way, the food was always delicious growing up. 

I am thankful my Mom decided to be a mother two more times after she raised the utterly exhausting first three children. She is truly amazing and my childhood was such a happy one. Thank you, Mom, for everything you've taught me and all the happy memories I have. You're the only person I can have a complete sobbing meltdown in front of and feel like you are completely nonjudgmental. You literally can make any situation better. One day when I become a crazy mimsy myself, I hope to be as much like you as I possibly can. I love you Mom!! Happy Mother's Day!

Another Phone Dump Post...

Here's the latest update on what is happening at the Gubler/Scoot household lately. Seriousness, I don't know what I'd do without my phone. Probably just forget everything that happens or something! Plus I've been a lazy blogger with no wit. 

This is an older picture of us in Texas a couple years ago. I just can't get over how different I think we look. Probably mostly because I wasn't able to regulate Blake's haircut from that far away.

Here's a pic of me and my sis. I look at this and think that I look like the goth with her perfect cheerleader sister.

Some wonder what I do when Blake is at work? This. I can't throw away makeup without using it up so I end up putting it all over my face.

A couple pictures of our fancy cereal dinner. Blake got Cookie Crisp and I got Waffle Crisp. 

You can't believe how happy we were.

We got our tatts for our 2-year wedding anniversary. My mother is seriously green with envy. And I'm waiting for Shirley to come out of the closet with a flaming jaguar tatt climbing up her spine. While getting mine, I squeezed Blake's hand and didn't breathe. Worst pain of my life. At one point Blake indicated that his fingers were numb by patting them. I suddenly burst out in hysterical-hyena laughter because of it. I guess it was either that or scream.

Blake sat there like he was getting his nails done. My delicate man-flower is very stoic in front of people. Later he jumped in my arms and sucked his thumb though.

I made delicious seitan. This is pre-cooking. When it was done soaking up the broth it looked even more like a log of poop. Delicious!!!

We also went to Krispy Kreme and bought a dozen doughnuts.

The next day they were gone.

Tried Schlotsky's Deli. Blake enjoyed a mix of Sprite and Root Beer. He said it was strangely tasty. 

This is Blake's weekend look. His foot-warmer, headphones, talking geek on the phone, with his belly button exposed. What a gorgeous boytoy! It makes me happy to walk past and poke his belly.

Bought some baby wipes for our delicate constitutions and Blake took a Sharpie to the container. He's an amazing artist. A smile for every wipe.

I finally got tired of wiry hairs everywhere. The final straw was the one I found on my plate. So Blake buzzed and then shaved his legs. Now I miss the force fields of hair around his legs. I wish to make a joke about the nut shavings, but will refrain, as our mothers check this blog occasionally.

This is what we do in church. Blake says he looks fat. I say he looks phat. I can't believe he insulted my art.

He drew me like Trish on Napoleon Dynamite. It's good to know how my hubby perceives me. Ahem. Oh, and the talks were really good too...yeah...

We have discovered a new way to keep Blake's haircuts controlled. Now Blake doesn't have to sit on the patio in his skivvies anymore. My sexy white-trash hubbard.

For my birthday we went to the raw food restaurant Matthew Kenney (formerly 105 Degrees) like last year. Delicious! I am already planning on begging another visit from Blake.

The kitchen is behind Blake. No ovens, just knives and blenders. Seriously amazingness.

Blake ordered the dragon roll again, which I had to partake of several times. Jicama rice with ginger, avocado, carrots, and microgreens wrapped in nori rolls. 

I ordered the Mezzo: Eggplant chips with zucchini hummus and olive chips with red pepper hummus and a kale salad. Le sigh. Sooo delicious!

Last night I wanted ice cream and all we have in our freezer is a mocha flavored coconut milk kind. So we made some coconut milk chocolate chip mint (with spinach for color). The bag was fu-reezing! We took turns shaking it-Blake using his work gloves and me using an oven mitt and hot pad.

I was astounded when it actually worked. And was delicious! Blake said he could, "Taste the health" from the spinach. He's full of malarky. 

And finally, here's Betty. 

Crap Blake Says

Blake constantly keeps me laughing. He says so many things that crack me up or leave me staring into space in bewilderment. Here are some gems that have come from his mouth in the past couple months. 

"The other day I found a bit of fat on my belly. I was like, 'What is this??' But don't worry, it disappeared."

"I poo'd at work today for you. So I deserve a kiss."

Me: "Blake? Are you still awake?" 

Blake: "Yes. I can't stop thinking about rearranging furniture."

"If they could mimic the consistency of boobs, they'd have the perfect pillow."

Blake was showering whilst I was brushing my teeth.

"Look at my bum."

"Why??"

"Because it's being cute" For some reason, I look. He's clenching his cheeks and I laugh.

"It's cute isn't it?"

"Yes."

"I couldn't miss the opportunity to show you my bum being so cute. Usually it's ugly."

We were getting ready for bed and Blake was supposed to be turning off his computer. I saw that he had windows open and started to chastise him. 

"I've only got one window open and it's updates. If you don't believe me, smell my bum!"

"Can I lick your arm?" 

Blake was kissing my knee. How sweet. Suddenly I realized he was licking it. o_O 

Me: "It's gonna smell!"

Blake: "Well only I get to smell your knee." Lick.

Blake mixed up two sentences and stumbled on his words saying, "Who loves her Jocelyn? *backpeddal* Blakina does!" 

While we were watching Tangled Blake decided my name was "Jocepunzel."

"Can I lick your knee?"

Me: "Hands off me!" 

Blake: "No! I married you so I could put my hands on you… I mean… I love you."

Blake, looking at my Panem print we received in the mail, "I didn't like this print before but the more I look at it the more I do. You have really good taste, Love." Had to put a sweet one in there. 

"You should prance more. You are Mrs. Blake Scott so you are supposed to prance!" 

Two Year Wedding Anniversary

Prom 2007

It has been another freezing weekend for our anniversary this year. There is not a blizzard raging outside the house, but it is cold and all me and the Blake have wanted to do is stay warm inside. 

Friday night Blake came home at 9pm and we watched How I Met Your Mother until a ridiculous hour. Verrr exciting. The next day we went across town to Walmart to get our oil changed and buy hangers and goo gone! Score! But then it was off to Panda Express. But as we drove through the parking lot I noticed poor Panera Bread, standing there looking at me sadly. So we decided to try it out. My mother may not want to read this next part. Turn away, Mother! … Even though my mum is still reading this because she doesn't listen, ahem, I will proceed. I-I mean, Blake, committed a kleptomania. We ordered our sandwiches and she asked us what we would like to drink. Blake declined and threw my mind into outer space! It was under this wave of craziness that I saw bottled water in ice and ordered, "A water." After we paid the girl didn't hand me a water cup. Soooo I figured she had thought we meant the ridiculously priced bottled water and I grabbed one. Blake refrained from telling me that we had not paid for that water until after I had walked around the room looking for a seat and holding my stolen water bottle. Well, I couldn't take it back. The bucket of ice and water bottles sat right in front of the cashier. I'm sure Panera Bread is like the post office and can just "Write it off." So, that is the story of how I… well, I may have WRITTEN it as me klepting out, but it was totally the Blake, stole a water out from under the nose of a very nice Panera Bread employee. It was a smooth drink by the way, with only a hint of guilt and shame. 

Anyways, towards the end of my sandwich I glanced out the window and saw poor Panda Express, standing there looking at me sadly. So we decided to try it out. Give it another try if you will. We ordered another full meal for each of us at Panda and it. Was. Delicious! Um, happy day-before anniversary, have two dinners! 

The next day we had some fun in town and went to Olive Garden and gorged ourselves on deliciousness and enjoyed a flamboyant waiter who kept coming to visit our table coyly checking out my husband. 

Anyways, we are both still pretty happy with our two-year-old decision to be married. Blake thanks his lucky stars that he's got me to keep him in check and I'm very happy that Blake keeps me laughing every day. I love my Blake like a proctologist loves thick rubber gloves. :)

Five things Joce loves about Blake

*We can cuddle on my side of the bed to warm it up and then I can kick him back over to his side when I want to sleep.

*A toilet paper Fairy-McBlake changes the roll every time

*We generally have similar tastes in music resulting in awesome singing and dance sessions

*He's so sweet about waking me up, rubbing my back and is somehow always in a good mood

*His Deedee (from Dexter's Laboratory) run that he does around the house. Makes me crack up every time!

Five things Blake loves about Joce

*When I am hungry the magic Joce fairy makes food appear out of thin air

*I never have to worry about lack of entertainment because my Jocelyn always has something to watch whether it is a new movie or some classic cartoons

*She is always thinking about what is best for our future and keeps my crazy spending habits under control

*She has a great sense of humor….most of the time at least

*She knows she married a crazy Blaken and she is proud of it

Forgive me Internets for I have sinned...

...It's been 8 days since my last confession. 

So for lack of much interesting going lately... well, that we can publicly announce on the internetz, I decided to write about myself! What can I say, I'm narcissistic. But so is Blake, so we match. But I've seen "confessions" on several blogs I read and I think they are the bees-knees! I'm 95% sure that the next post I put up will make your toes curl a little bit though. 

Without further adieu, I confess…

I have been jamming to Britney and my pals N'sync lately, a big change from my Cradle of Filth-lovin' self. My favorite gingerhead-man might hang his head in shame, but I loves me some "booty shakin'!"

I confess…

I flicked a drop of cleaning water off my gloves and onto my eyelid when I was cleaning the bathtub the other day and let out a blood-curdling scream into my empty apartment. Afterwards I crouched there, silently ashamed.

I confess…

After a couple months of being on a "ferment EVERYTHING!" kick, when I saw the zucchini rotted at the bottom of my veggie crisper, I felt nauseous. 

I confess…

Kanye is my new man. As are Taio Cruz and Flo Rida. I made a Pandora station and everything. Next thing ya know I'll be ridin' dirty down the parking lot with my windows rolled down, flashing my grillz. Wigga what?!

I confess…

I was alone in the gym the other day with Twilight playing. I still kept an eye and a half on the movie, entranced at the glittery men, but paranoid someone would come in and catch me watching it. It's more interesting if you don't hear dialogue. 

I confess…

A lot of ideas Blake has are bad…. until they're MY ideas. (i.e.: Perhaps Sonic tots and a limeade would accompany our dinner perfectly!) I call it the Wife Syndrome.

I confess…

I eat perhaps 85% of my meals (don't ask how I came up with that percentage because I don't know myself) in front of a screen. I'm sorry I've shamed you, Mummy. I BLAME THE BLAKE!

I confess…

Sometimes I'll get all dressed up and ready for the gym and end up just spending the day dressed in my nasty gym clothes and booby-crushing sports bra. 

I confess…

I crave lobster, a lot. I don't know why! I've never eaten one of the little guys! Or even smelled one cooking. …I think… perhaps it was disguised as hot dogs, Mumsy? o_O

I confess…

If I absolutely must eat an egg, I always fish out the little fetuses in them or I can't enjoy the food. But if I'm making eggs just for Blake, I have no problem letting him munch on the chewy little chicken zygotes. 

I confess…

I taped myself singing to my iPod once. …Ahem… I thought about saving it for when people ask me why I don't sing in church. I've never been so embarrassed for myself, so I had to delete it immediately. 

I confess…

If I get tired of some leftover in the fridge, I'll pack it in Blake's lunch until it's gone. He's got no choice to eat it or he'll go hungry. Muahahaha! Hopefully he doesn't read this post…

I confess…

Sometimes I'll get mad at the Mountain Dew 2 liter the Blake has been nursing for keeping him hyper when I want to sleep and will give it a little shake when Blake is in the other room. Blake can never know I shake his baby. He just wonders how it gets flat so fast.

I confess…

I can't walk barefoot on "pet-carpet." Or eat off "pet-plates." Or lean back on couches that are "pet couches." Serious fur-OCD runs in my familia.

I confess…

When I've got a runny nose during the winter, I'll put a few squares of TP in my coat pockets when I go out and wipe my nose a little at a time. Then when the next winter comes up, I'll find tissues in my coat pockets and will continue using them if I don't have an alternative. I found 4 squares of practically untouched TP in my white hoodie the other day!

I confess…

I am an American Eagle-aholic. And since the jeans are a little on the pricey side, I have to wear them all--even if I have several pairs two sizes too big. I own jeans and a pair of shorts that are so baggy in the waist and butt that approx. 3-4 inches of underwear show when I walk. Even non-fashionista Blake complains that my butt looks bad. But they are American Eagle so I will continue to wear them. Forever. 

I confess…

Blake's visiting teachers came by and one of them asked for a glass of water. Blake let him use one of our red glass cups (previously my favorite kind), and now, approx. 7 months later, I still can't use the red cups because they don't feel clean enough. 

It would be lame to write a post without a picture... so I put one I snapped of Lars- Blake's alter-ego. This was directly taken after he said, "Yezz, we shall goe shoppingz for thee new Bunz of Steel moshun pictuuure, Loverrr."

Phone Dump

So I went through my phone and found a lot of images that made me smile so I had to post them, of course!

First one is a picture of a picture hanging in Blake's fantastic Grandma's house. It seems me and Blake were twin-souls even when we were children because there are family photos floating around with me pulling faces.

When we were doing some drill work in the apt I made Blake take off his shirt to do it so I could admire his manly-man-ness

I've had a lot of people bucher my name spelling before... but, really? "Loin??"

At perhaps the funnest sandwich shop ever- City Bites. Blake's sandwich had tatertots in it!

Mine was the delicious veggie with cherry peppers. I almost stepped in a diaper walking to the shop, but it was worth it!

This is what happens when I wash our sheets when Blake is home. He makes housework very difficult. The night we put the clean sheets on I can hear him smelling the sheets when we go to bed. :)

My tottering heels. Grrrrowl!

Me in a fat mask. Actually it is a gelatin pore strips recipe that can pull your eyebrows right off your face 

One stage of my platinum blond journey. Yeller blond. It calmed down after a wash.

Oklahoma sunsets are very gorgeous. Maybe it's the smog, maybe it's the fact that there are no mountains to block out the gasses. I love standing by the railing and looking at the city skyline at sunset.

Blake in my sleep mask one morning. He is a multi-faceted sleeper

Blake's new boots. I spent a day breaking them in for him and even though they flapped on my feet and are ugly as sin. 100 brownie points for me! Perhaps I'll have him return the favor and break in my next pair of heels...

The picture I sent Blake when I found I can fit into my skinny jeans again! Pst-they fit even better now than they do in high school somehow! I screamed and danced in our empty apt.

If I were a tellytubby I would be Jocey-Wocey. PS-the plunger was brand new...but it went with my outfit

Downtown OKC has tons of trees and all of them were strung with lights on all the branches. Blake has to drive so I can stare at all the pretty colors. It is one thing OK has over Utah at Christmas.

Homemade bread bowls. My tomato bisque was perfect, Blake's chicken-noodle leaked out of his thin bowl. Otherwise pretty heavenly.

GIANT black olives! It's been years since we've been able to put olives on our fingers so we had to indulge. It. Was. Awesome!

One evening Blake got hungry and made himself some ramen and an egg. It completely stunk up the apt! So I told him he'd better eat outside. =D It was pathetic. He was shivery and hobo-ish. So I let him inside. I think me putting him on the patio erased my previously earned brownie points. :(

My new raspberry coat that Blake sweetly ordered for me. Best hubby eva!

Our brunchfast today-spaghetti squash, salad, and garlic toast. Spaghetti squash is incredible! Blake said he could eat it every couple weeks! 

I know it was completely thrilling to look at my phone pics... but it's for my benefit also. Blake and I had an awesome holiday today and looking back at these memories just finished it off great. :)